A Rebours

This Winter

Tomorrow's new dawn breaks the silver frost,
But today's gray canvas makes me feel lost.
It smells like falling stars every time she comes near;
They crash in my eyes and burn up my tears.
A colorless sky obscures the heart on my sleeve,
Entreating a reprieve, while watching her grieve.
It's getting late and dark and cold and I want to explain,
Though, such a thing's a hollow, dire and worthless refrain.

This winter inside-
Deliverance denied where bloodless blossoms wilt and die.
Go-Stop snowing on my head.
Go-I don't want your rain on my back.
Go-Stop making me feel numb.
Go-I need you to let me forgive me.

Through a blizzard of regrets I toss and turn and thrash.
Flakes fall on my tongue and they taste just like ash.
Each obsidian raindrop that collides with my skin
Is a souvenir of pain from the black rain of shame.
Every burning bridge's warmth is cause to apologize,
Even though her trust is lying covered with flies.
I am become my own indignant Montresor-
Brick by repentant brick, sealing off my hollow core.

This winter inside-
Her mercy purified where I keep me crucified
Go-Stop blowing in the windows.
Go-I don't want your chill on me.
Go-Stop pounding me with rain.
Go-I need you to let me forgive...

This endless season of guilt.
This aimless shambling in a cage I built.
I swore I'd make her fall in love with me again,
But she always has loved me.

Go-Stop bleeding me with frozen knives.
Go-I don't need you cutting me.
So go-Stop shredding all my self-esteem.
Go-I need you to let me forgive...me.

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